I mentioned at the beginning of the summer how I was trying to lose some of the extra weight that I had put on over the course of the school year, so I figured now that summer was coming to a close (boo!) it was time to revisit those goals and see how far I've come (if at all).
I have never been considered "big" by my peers, in fact, when I told people that I was trying to lose weight the reaction was always the same - "Lose weight from where?" or "Why?" or they would just look at me like I was crazy. But the truth is, I was so severely uncomfortable in my own skin that I decided to do something to change it. I decided to start working out and dieting like I never had before because, at the end of the day, people can tell me how skinny I am all they want, but I had to actually believe it.
At the recommendation of my friend Kelsey, I began to do the Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide. Unfortunately, though, I don't have a treadmill to do the cardio sessions on and it's too hot and humid to go outside most days in South Carolina, so I think this really hurt my attempts at the 12 week long program. I have noticed a change in my physical appearance, though after looking online at other "transformations," mine is definitely not as dramatic as it should be by week 11. Now that I have an actual apartment with a gym, and classes are about to resume and the campus gym will be accessible, I will have no excuse not to do both the workout circuits and the 45 minutes of cardio.
Now onto the diet... I have been trying to eat about 1,250 calories a day (though recently it's been more like 1,440... I'm living out of my car, I don't have a refrigerator to keep veggies in!). This is a pretty extreme diet, but I can't stand dieting so I wanted to get it over as quickly as I possibly could. But this also means that I go over my calorie "limit" pretty regularly. When I decided to go on such a strict diet, I promised myself that I would never let it interfere with friends or family - meaning that I could never use it as an excuse not to meet someone for a bite to eat, or to say no to getting ice cream with my mom and dad, etc.
I noticed that my diet really started to fluctuate when I got my new job. On my first day, everyone told me that I was going to gain weight working here. Dinner (and snacks) are provided for me when I'm, and most of the time it's from restaurants or is some form of frozen (delicious) lasagna. Not to mention that local bakeries (including Panera...) send us leftover bread, bagels, and pastries. I do not have the will power to say no! Plus, most of the time I'm sitting around and not doing much so snacking is my activity of choice. I'm going to try and get back into knitting in the next few weeks so I can use my hands for something other than eating. I'm hoping that once things settle down I will be able to control myself more around the goodies, and if not, I will be able to at least go to the gym before going to bed.
All in all, I'm not really where I wanted to be, but I don't feel like I'm back where I started. I definitely feel more confident in my own skin, and I have been able to lose some weight (as of July 4th I was down 5 pounds but it feels like it's back up) without having to go cold turkey on the things that I love - pizza, tacos, and desserts.
One night, as I was eating my 400-calorie-or-less-dinner, my roommate asked me something that I've thought about a lot since. She saw what I was eating (which was a decent amount of food if we're being honest here) and asked, "Are you happy?" I feel certain that after she watched me carefully measure serving sizes of fruits and vegetables, and spoon out only half of the pot of ramen noodles (true story) she was genuinely checking up on me, but to answer her question: yes, I am happy. I have worked hard, and I have seen the rewards. I have given up, and I have seen the consequences. But one thing remains clear: I am in charge. I control how I feel everyday, which is something I really couldn't say before. I finally feel confident when I put on a swimsuit, regardless of what people said about my body type before. I feel lighter and healthier.
I cannot wait to continue on this path to be a better, healthier version of myself and I can't wait to keep updating you all as I go along!
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