(I watched this week's episode at the RMH where I work, so I couldn't drink my usual glass of wine! Instead I had one of these cupcakes - there's alcohol in the icing which makes them basically just for me since so many of the mamas here are breast feeding! It's no Cabernet, but it works, right?)
This episode started off with the guys talking about the previous rose ceremony, where Jojo walked out and unfortunately both Alex and James T. stuck around for another week. Chris Harrison walks in casually and announces that there will be three one-on-one dates this week, sans roses, and one group date (aka a three-on-one). Alex is the only one remaining that hasn't gotten a one-on-one date yet, so to no one's surprise, his name is on the date card! Almost immediately the other guys in the house point out that he can't complain to them anymore and it's really awkward and tense.
On the one-on-one, Jojo and Alex drive out to the Argentinean countryside to ride horses. The car ride is incredibly long and even more incredibly awkward. I can't stop giggling to myself because it's just so. awkward. Jojo tells the camera that she's really excited to get to know Alex in a more comfortable setting where the pressures are all gone. Amazingly, ABC doesn't show Jojo during this interview, but instead punching Alex in the face with Pringles. It was hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing! So far this date has been nothing but a major cringe fest.
Back in Buenos Aries, the rest of the boy band are getting on a rickety bus that honestly looks like it could break down at any minute. Jordan is holding a beer bottle (classic). THEN, TO MY DELIGHT AND SURPRISE, Chase starts beat boxing and the guys perform a rap!! Now I'm assuming this wasn't free styled and was totally planned, but still. I'm in love. (Any other fans of Chase out there?!)
Jojo and Alex finally arrive at the destination and the Gauchos make Alex change into an outfit that seriously resembles Lord Farquaad from Shrek. They mount their horses and take off. This date is so cringe worthy!! The entire time, Alex tells the camera that this is amazing, the best day of his life, he has never felt better. He says that his relationship with Jojo is growing in exactly the right direction and that he knows his feelings are validated.
After awkwardly snuggling over a horse (poor horse), the pair go back to a lodge type thing where Alex tells Jojo that he is in love with her. Now, I'm no relationship expert, but when you tell a girl that you love her and her eyes don't immediately light up with joy, you're in trouble. Sure enough, Jojo awkwardly explains to Alex that she's just not excited about him (ouch) and that it wouldn't be fair to keep him around. I literally can't stop grimacing. It's like a train wreck. I cannot, for the life of me, look away. Alex can, though, and doesn't even look Jojo in the eye as she says goodbye to him. Pure TV gold right there.
The next one-on-one date goes to Jordan. Duh. Jojo has always had the hots for him. This was another LOL moment for me, because Jordan exclaimed his pleasure about getting the date, and the rest of the guys were like, "Oh. Ok. Great." It was amazing.
Jordan leaves for his one-on-one wearing shorts and a red v-neck t-shirt similar to the one Chad ripped on Evan. Man, those were the days. But actually, I'm pretty sure it's late Fall/Winter in Argentina, so all around, a bold outfit choice by Jordan. The pair fly to wine country (where was this budget when they were in Nemacolin?!) and the activity on the date is (ba ba da dummmm!) smashing grapes with their feet. I've always wanted to do this, so I am a little jealous of them. It looks like it's a ton of fun. But then another cringe fest occurs for me when they dip the wine glasses in the bucket and drink their nasty feet grape juice!! Gross!! I don't know where y'all's feet have been!
Luckily, they don't only have that to drink, for when they go to get in the impeccably placed hot tub, they have actual glasses of wine in their hands. Thank goodness. I actually enjoyed this conversation. I felt like it was a very real glimpse into the life of Jordan Rodgers. Jojo asks that, if she, hypothetically, maybe, were to come meets Jordan's family, who would be there? He tells her in a really roundabout way that everyone except Aaron would be in attendance because he and Aaron barely talk and have little to no contact with each other. I found this to be very, very interesting but I'm serious you guys, it made me like Jordan more. I still don't completely trust him, but I have less beef with him now.
Back at the house, the group date card arrives. Chase, Robby, and James T. have the joy of going on the three-on-one date, while Luke wins the coveted one-on-one. However, luckily for the three of them, there is a rose up for grab on the group date, and none on the one-on-one.
It was "raining" for the group date, so the foursome end up hanging out in Jojo's hotel suite. They stuff their faces with greasy food (literally, if you're James), play truth or dare (which involved Robby stripping down to his extra-tight undies), and a scandalous sounding head massage session for Chase.
The one-on-one time with Jojo was pretty boring. She double-checked with Robby that he was ready to be engaged (seeing as he just broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years in DECEMBER), and he assured her that he was. I didn't believe him. Nobody can get over someone that quickly. (Although she's moved on too, apparently, and is dating Chad. Hilarious plot twist that I didn't know I needed until I got.) Chase said, in Chase language, that he loved Jojo. AKA he told her that he wanted to spend forever with her. Awe. So sweet!! I love him, you guys. And James T... Poor guy. He asked her why his relationship with her was less physical than with the other guys. She told him, "You have every quality that I WOULD want in a future husband." Poor James. He's so sweet but so definitely in the friend zone. For some reason, Robby got the rose and got to spend more one-on-one time with Jojo. I was really confused by this decision, but hey. To each their own.
Luke's one-on-one date with Jojo was very classic "them." Very outdoorsy, very hands on. It honestly looked fun. They rode more horses (this time with no outfits) and then did a clay shoot. I would have been horrible at the latter. The whole time, Luke is telling the cameras how if he and Jojo were to get together and be engaged, this is the life she would live on his family ranch in Texas. *swoon.* The rest of the date was pretty non-eventful because all they did was make out, and hey, I don't blame her!!
Luke arrives back at the ranch and delivers some bad news: there isn't going to be a rose ceremony that evening. James T. and Chase look bewildered and overwhelmed with so many different emotions. No wait, that's just James. Chase apparently doesn't have emotions because his face stays exactly the same. LOL.
At the rose ceremony, it goes pretty much as expected. Luke and Jordan get their roses, meaning that three men already get to take Jojo home to meet their families. Chase ends up getting the last rose. Jojo walks out with James T. and my heart burst into a bazillion pieces. She and him both start crying about how lucky they are to have met one another and he wishes her well and she just keeps crying and I'm 99% positive all of America was crying, too. I really feel like these were the only real emotions expressed this entire season.
Next week are hometown visits which are sure to be interesting! See you then.